Ive got a friend in town from austin. problem is im totally broke. my long distance got turned off this morning and I owe car insurance as well. all those medical bills hit hard.so, im going to trymy hand at pawning some of my tools,not that i want to but i have no choice. so, i have to have money to take her out and have gas and grocery money for next week, and pay my bills. fun fun fun!

Well, my mri is "clean". One doctor gave a very specific....... i really dont feel like writing. Something happened, i know it and i had 2 colledge educated doctors say 2 different things. neither one could tell me why I was forgetting things, like leaving my gas stove on for over 24 hours. Or, why I ,when driving long distances, I get to the point of utter confusion. Fuck them. Really, its too long for me to write out and I dont like to many people right now. My own living brother called, not to ask me about my results, but to talk about stock cars........I'm thinking of a line from a bad brains song, it goes " i dont want to ever go against i."

Ok its rainin' the line for dmv was a mile long outside and i didnt want to get soaked, then sit inside wet for 2 hours. I'll go back monday at 7am when there will be noone there.Of course theres no major snow event . I dont know if i like autumn more than days like today. Both make me feel alive. actually, more "in tune" to evrything around me.
just got done listning to Queens "a night at the opera" Now i like that album not because of "waynes world" but because of mmy past. You see that record was playing on repeat when they found the body of someone whos blood i share. Not trying to bring you down, just stating fact. I have THE actuall record that was playing when he did it.This record for me shows the brink of maddness.also, salvation. Also, i used to play guitar and brian may has always been one of my favorites. He and his father built, being working class poor in the U.K. his famous guitar out of the fire place mantle. How rock is that?! To this day noone can make the sound that he has. Like a stratovarious, its impossible to mimic that. Its the soul that creates the music. not thewood or the strings. definentaly not the effects. If you dont believe me, go listen to Charlie Patton. I still get scared when I hear his voice...........its ethereal, like a phantom just floated through my heart.

I'm quietly waiting for this "major Snow event" to start. I figure that the fine folks at the dmv will move a little faster as they wont want to get stuck at the office.Plus, if it does get bad, I can always walk, that's the plus side of city livin. My gut tells me its just going to rain. keep on rockin

Ive calmed down quite abit since earlier. Now im thinking of driving through the sierra nevada mountains. Its really beautiful up there. The past is always tainted. I drove into and out of those mountains almost 10 years ago. What I keep forgetting is why I was driving through them.Its because I was leaving possibility,and heading home. I should of stayed right where i was, but I, instead, followed someone back home who didnt even love me. Blah,blah,Blog.
I need chocholate.I'm a junkie for that stuff.... have a good night- Halo